Friday, 13 May 2016

Good Goths Play Nice

We just want to be understood

I try to be a forgiving person. I act tough mostly but there are times when people say or do things that get under my skin. Yesterday wasn't exactly like that. There were no words said at all, it's how the person behaved.

I was out on another ordinary day running errands. I got to see my favorite hot doctor, who put his arms around me, tipped me over and I was certain my brains were going to spill out (a medical test but we were giggling and I was hoping he'd kiss me, but that's just between us ghouls). I stopped in to visit with my mother, went out flower shopping and we ended up in the fabric store. I picked up some beautiful black stretch lace and more vintage Halloween print quilting cotton. While I was perusing the vast selection I couldn't help but overhear a conversation taking place between the employees there. The words "creepy" and "Halloween" came up. I thought, ooh, perhaps the newest Halloween fabrics arrived early. But the nature of the conversation was different and sounded more about me than anything. 

Yesterday I had on my favorite dress, the chiffon Sourpuss X-ray dress which features various skeletal fragments. On top of that I had tied up a black chiffon blouse with ruffles, worn with knee high stockings, my fave chucks, and a great big black sun hat adorned with black roses. I thought I looked adorable. I had to dress nice for my hottie doctor. It's one of the few times I could say with confidence that I felt pretty. Sure, I had old people look at me funny but don't they always? 

I was bothered by the fact that a conversation about my garments was taking place by people on staff. I couldn't make out exactly what was being said because they couldn't keep their volume under control. I'd get words and partial sentences here and there. "Ooh, don't you want to wear some bloody teeth." "It's just too creepy for me." Now I could be paranoid or even exaggerating but it's the treatment I received after this that bolstered my belief that they were talking shit about me.

I went to have my fabric cut and both girls at the table were quiet. The older employee who thought things were "creepy" had left. The one girl, who I know was involved in the conversation, did not even ask if I'd liked to be serviced. She just stopped what she was doing, shoved it aside and waited for me to bark orders at her. I remained poised and polite throughout the experience but I've never had someone not speak to me. She hardly uttered a syllable. Once mumbling if I wanted two meters, and finally forcing out a barely audible "here you are dear." which at that point I could hardly give a fuck to hear it.

So, you don't like my clothing. Did you want me to get naked? Would that somehow make you feel more comfortable? I was nothing but cordial and I expected to receive politeness in return. 

If it wasn't for Dr. McHotStuff giving me about a year's worth of daydreaming material, I might have lost my shit completely.

I know we've all experienced this. I do my best to never give in to my bitchy side but some days I feel that beast within me just itching to get out. I swallow it, collect myself and put on a smile because that's what we need to do. There are twice as many assholes in this world and that means we have to work twice as hard to make up for their bullshit. So put on a smile, wave and open doors for people, because you're the better person.

Best,






22 comments:

  1. Gosh that sucks.
    Anyway, people will always hate. The trick is to not be hateful too.

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    1. Reacting only encourages more hatred, doesn't it? I find it much more satisfying when I see someone be the bigger person and walk away. It makes the hater look like an even bigger jackass.

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  2. Luckily here were I live ( southern Finland) there is huge amount of alternative style people, prodably cause metal music is so mainstream. So it is not unusual to get a mohawk haired, heavily tattooed, pierced customer servicer, or an elementary school assistant. Very rearly I hear any s*hit about my darkened style, if something it comes from young ladies that them self look a bit funny in their attempt to be on the top of latest fashion. I´m so sorry of what you had to listen. Mean people can really ruin other wise a good day~ Your style sounds amazingly beautiful.

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    1. Thank you! :) I wish we had a bigger population of alternative people living here. It's not as though I live in a small town, it's just that there aren't many goths in my city. I think it's because we haven't experienced a resurgence in the music scene. Most bars and clothing stores have shut down and there aren't many Goth/Fetish/Alt events. I'd really love to see it come back some day.

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    2. I dunno much of goth scene here cause I´m not one, but I have seen that same fading happening with decent metal bars/clubs and same time festivals has changed from extreme metal to something pop/rock likish bullshit :S

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  3. Ugh. I really can't wrap my head around people who are 'creeped out' by goth fashion. Like how evil can it be if you can buy the stuff at a store. And it's fabric that they carry! Like do they draw straws and say their prayers when deciding who handles the cursed material? I had similar bs happen to me today. A lady on the train openly glared at me and shook her head. Lol an open seat appeared next to her and I sat next to her. She glared and shook her head then did the "omg a weirdo is sitting next to me" dance and fled to another seat. Lol I was wearing a brown suede pencil skirt and a pale green button-up and reading a grammar book. It was the piercings, of course.

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    1. lol You're awesome. You weren't even wearing overtly goth clothing and the woman is scared of you, that's ridiculous. We've had piercings for ages! How people haven't grown accustom to them is just beyond me, but I do see this a lot with the older generations. When it's coming from young people I'm totally surprised. I could understand if I had worn some severely offensive t-shirt slogan or something to that effect, but it was frilly girly goth stuff. The ironic part, the girl was wearing BLACK. I should've motioned to her shirt and been like "omg we're like sistersss." I'm sure she'd have a heart attack and die right there lol.

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    2. Yeah...what are young people doing if they aren't oversaturated with goth imagery? like do they even internet?

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  4. The same thing happened to me at a fabric store. I was buying some Halloween fabric with spiders all over it to make a 50s style play suit. She asked me what I was making (probably because it was June not October) and then she proceeded to stick her nose in the air and say "why would anyone want to wear that?" I was polite and told her that everyday is Halloween for some of us. Sometimes I enjoy just messing with people. It freaks them out when you are nice. They don't quite know what to do with that. Lol.

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    1. That is so rude, I can't believe she said that to you while she was working. Some people have no manners. I've encountered similar situations but usually the reaction I get is a funny look and "oh, that's nice dear". Do they really think everybody is the same? Like we're all just a bunch of quilters lol.

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  5. I'm sorry to hear about your experience of ignorance and discrimination. Sometimes it astounds how stupid people can be. I'm surprised you didn't make a formal complaint regarding your experience of bad service.

    It's strange to consider where I live it's still very open and multicultural place. I rarely encounter almost little abuse or discrimination but then I'm more than happy to complain or be snotty back, it's not the best tactic that's just me.

    Another thing I want to mention my local fabric store is sales assistant, who's is a trad goth who has to be one of the best for advice on sewing queries because she was a trained, seamstress. I love when she's in because you always get advice or anything else. Despite her appearance everybody you chat to always has something to positive to say.

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    1. My favorite fabric store was recently shut down. There were at least two goth/alt girls that had worked there and the majority of the employees were into Steampunk. They were the most helpful because they were open minded. I was so bummed that it closed!

      Unfortunately, this new store is located in a newly developed rich bitch, white bread area. Not surprisingly, there's a Catholic school right across the street. I've thought about contacting head office to complain, and I have complained about this store once before, but I was told to talk to the manager. The manager there is no help at all. It's my word against theirs' and they seem awfully cliquish so I don't see myself winning this battle. It's not like I'd get any compensation out of it anyways. Perhaps an apology. I know that there are great women who work at that store, too, so I'll just keep being myself and hopefully in the future I'll be lucky enough to be serviced by one of the nice employees. :)

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  6. Good for you! I am proud of you! I have to say, what you were wearing, does sound adorable! This is one thing that has been pounded into my head this year, the way people act towards you, has nothing to do with you, it's all about them. I really try to remember this!!! I get reactions all the time! So, in my wise words, those girls were jealous of you! In their life, they aren't strong! So, they have to put other people down, to get strength out of it! So, you being you and not reacting to anything. Just smile and go about your day, gave them no strength at all!!!! Keep being you! (Glad you had a nice visit with your doctor!)

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    1. I think while we may be tempted to give in and tell them to fack off, it would only support their ideas about goths being bad people. I agree with you that you can combat them with kindness and not give in. It is their problem and not mine. Still, you sometimes wish they'd trip on something or get a paper cut lol. I'd never stop wearing my goth clothes though. For every one person that finds it odd there are two that don't. I went into a bridal shop months ago, wearing almost the same thing and the women there adored it. A bridal shop is the last place I would think a Goth would be welcomed, what with all that white fabric lol.

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  7. Kill 'em with kindness. They hate that.

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  8. ALLLL THE TIME. Sorry for caps but i hate that kind of behavior (and im sure you were looking pretty!), in the past i reacted (probably like everybody else) in every way one could think of. Lately I got used to start smiling, look around me, walk up to those people and whisper 'hey, if you are talking about me, can I join you? I promise I know all the dark secrets about me!' That so far got the most hillarious reactions, no bad words but still showing them their behaviour was not nice ^_^°

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    1. I would love to see those people react to you after that! I'm tempted to tear some people a new asshole, but I don't want to give them the satisfaction of knowing they got to me.

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  9. Ugh when I was in college years ago, I found out my fellow employees "jokingly" said that I worshiped Satan. Of course this was behind my back, and I only found out when a friend clued me in. I've always been super sensitive so there was much crying that night. What happened to you is utterly unacceptable. For one thing, it's unprofessional and NOT how you treat a customer who is spending their money in your establishment. You are patronizing their store. Do they not want your business? I do Gothic light mostly these days, some dark jewelry here, a angel wing pin there, my tattoos usually out, because my job is actually pretty chill about such things (surprisingly for an investment bank hehe), but if I saw someone fully decked out, I'd shyly try to say hello (because I'm super shy in real life) and let them know that there are many of us that still revel in the dark and romantic scene and will for life.

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    1. Aww! That's awful. :( I'm sorry you went through that, I would've cried too. I think that's such a cruel thing to say. A few minutes on Google and it wouldn't take anyone much time to discover Goths are not Satanists. Stereotyping is something that gets right up my ass! I went back to the same fabric store, because I don't have a choice, and the same woman cut my fabric again. I was dressed uber girly, no Goth stuff that day. Her demeanor was better but she still seems like a bitch overall and what's more is she's pregnant, which bums me out that someone like that would be procreating. Cross our fingers and hope that child turns out to be nothing like her!

      I love seeing other Goths and alternative fashionistas. Around here it's like seeing a unicorn because they're few and far between. I'd love it if another Goth came up to me and said hello but to be honest they usually shy away. I think I might make a note of it to engage them in conversation whenever I see them. :)

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  10. I do not think you are paranoid or over exaggerating things in your head, they were plain rude and petty. :( Good thing your doctor could cheer you up!

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    1. Thanks! The more I look back on it the more certain I am that they were being rude. I've had some better experiences recently though, in some instances strangers were celebrating my differences instead of ridiculing me for them. :)

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