Saturday, 29 August 2015

August 2015

General Life Stuff

The end of summer is upon me. As much as I love fall, I adore summer and the thought of it ending kind of pisses me off. I've spent the whole month working and it's been a very difficult and sad time for me. Last we talked, I had mentioned the new job that was soul sucking and destroying my self esteem. Not much has changed. I somehow still work there, even though about a week ago we had a productivity review where I was told I'm too slow. I explained to my boss that I'm trying my hardest but my hands won't go faster, I can't figure out how to go faster without destroying my cookies and making a mess. I said if I'm really that bad, then from a business perspective there would be no point in keeping me. We're early enough into the season and the contract that she could successfully train and replace me with someone else, although I'd rather her not so I can keep making good money. But honestly, at this point I could give a fuck. I'm always so exhausted there, my hands are crippled every night I come home, my back destroyed, and all I have time to do anymore is eat and sleep. I lead a very crappy life at the moment. And it got crappier...

I was fired from my other job. I wasn't expecting this at all. It hit me out of nowhere. I was sick on Wednesday, preparing to go to my other job, when I received a termination notice in my email. I just bawled and freaked out, for a lot of reasons. For one, it was never explained to me why I was fired, so I kept getting paranoid that I did something wrong. I was scared I may have unknowingly injured someone's pet (this comes up frequently in grooming where asshole owners will see an injury - sometimes a day or more afterward - and instantly blame the groomer even if it happened to the dog while at home). I was worried I used the wrong cleaning solvent to clean the kennels, or someone had started gossip in the office and accused me of something I didn't do. The other concerns were no longer seeing my groomer. I love hanging out with her on the weekends, it was always just talking and washing dogs. I'm disappointed that we'll no longer see each other, and I didn't get to say goodbye. :( I'm also freaked out because I'm possibly losing the other job and my assistant groomer position was my back up. Now if I'm fired from the cookie job I'm totally unemployed. I don't qualify for EI because I haven't worked enough hours, so I'm just fucked. Our job market is really bad, as I had mentioned before, so I'm fighting tooth and nail to keep this stupid cookie job. If I lose it, it is what it is, but we'll be back to square one. My fiancé has pointed out that I've made enough money at the cookie job to make up for months at the grooming job, but this doesn't change the fact that I haven't banked more money, like what we need for a downpayment, our wedding, and my medical expenses. So it really is true, when it rains it fucking pours.

Health & Wellness

I still experience pains in my abdomen and have been putting off visiting the physiotherapist due to a busy schedule and my fears of the costs. I'm supposed to see my ENT next month to discuss my septoplasty/rhinoplasty, and how I can barely afford it. I may have to borrow money from people, and lord knows I hate that.

Hobbies & Leisure

For the short period of feeling financially secure, I bought a wig (recently reviewed on here) a prom dress for $24, two pretty dresses (for my anniversary) and some sewing patterns. I also got some home decor items, a beautiful shadowbox for our cats, a glossy pearl coloured pumpkin lamp, a fall table runner, black table cloth and pumpkin spice candle. We visited Michaels Arts & Crafts expecting to find some cool decor items but I kept being disappointed. There were three or four things I strongly considered getting, until I saw their defects. Each item I picked up was either scratched, stained, cracked, rusted, or flaking; you name it, if it was sold there it was damaged! In the end we purchased a small plush bat and left for Home Sense where we found much better quality stuff for pretty much the same cost. I know it isn't fall yet but I'm more than ready to break out my fall decor. I love it! :) Our anniversary is today and we're supposed to go out for dinner. I have a beautiful sea green lace dress I'll be wearing and a matching bracelet that we made. We took a glass bead making workshop earlier this week. Sounds kind of weird but it was an awesome date, I encourage you to give it a try!

Blog Stuff

It is difficult to say exactly what will take place on this blog for the following month. I plan on doing some home decor projects, so some DIY stuff might show up if I get the time. I probably will have no time to sew because I didn't this month. My work leaves me feeling so lethargic and achey that I don't have the motivation to sew anything. One of my workmates suffers the same problem. She's also an artist/crafter and has no desire to sew because her hands hurt too much. If I lose the job I am most definitely taking a day or two to sew, something, anything! I might post some photos of my fall decor this year, too.

Also, a special thanks goes to the lovely Ramona of JustKeepBrains for nominating me for the Sisterhood of the World Blogger award! I'm happy to answer the questions in my monthly update. :)

If you were a flower or plant, what would you be and why, the scent, look or something else?

This is an interesting question because I have so many favorite flowers. I love morning glories but I don't know if I can relate to their need to open up in the early morning (I am not a morning person lol), and I adore dahlias and my climbing Joseph's coat rose, although neither produce a strong scent they last for the duration of the summer. So I suppose I'd love to be a brightly coloured flower that lasts from the spring to the fall, all of my favorite seasons. Either a dahlia or a rose.

Bats, Ravens or Spiders?

All of the above and in that exact order.

What would be a perfect event to attend? Any theme-party, festival that already exists or would you have to invent a new one?

Unfortunately my city rarely has any special events. I often envy my European readers/bloggers for their adventures at Gothic festivals and balls. I love to see them and wish we had some sort of equivalent here (I hear there's a fetish ball in Toronto but I severely dislike that city and see no point in ever returning to it lol). My best friend and I have often said it would be nice to have an elegant costume ball, a very formal and adult event, merely because I would love something whimsical, beautiful and classy to take place here. Most of our events are just pub crawls and they can be pretty sleazy. 

If a Vampire would ask you to come with them, would you agree?

Only if I'm on top. ;) Jokes, I prefer the bottom, lol.

Are you a person who likes to plan ahead or living in the moment?I'm a planner for sure. Change scares me and the unknown makes me nervous. I prefer to lead a comfortable, predictable life.

Is there any other ‘art’ you do besides blogging (let’s call the combination of words and pictures art in this question, ok?)?

Lots! I love to make felt crafts, sew, I'm back into making folk art/mixed media sculpture and I'd like to do a bit of painting again soon.

Do you prefer buying your clothes or DIY?

DIY mostly. If I had tons of money I would buy the highest quality Goth clothes (if such a thing existed, lately I question if that's true). Since I'm not rich, I sew a lot of my own stuff, I like the creative control it affords me.

If you could change your life by travelling back in time and doing some things different, would you do it?

There's a lot in my life that is kind of sad and traumatic. One day I might share those scars but for now you can assume there's plenty I wish I could have prevented or erased from my memory. The difficult thing is when we ponder time travel and its uses, there's always the issue that we may change history for the worse. I'm happily in love right now. I'm celebrating my 7th year with my fiancé, I have two wonderful cats in a home that, although could be in a better state, is clean and warm. If changing all the hurt and heartache would result in the loss of the life I have now, I would not do it.

Are there any other platforms your followers can find you? (Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr,…)?

I've used Pinterest in the past, linked in my sidebar, but I haven't be on much lately. Likewise I've advertised both Etsy shops on my sister blog and on Bien Aimée. I don't do much else though. I find social media is failing and not as useful as it once was.

If you'd like to participate in this award, go for it! I nominate all my readers/bloggers with the same questions.

Kind regards,


  1. Oh no, I hoped that you will have a fal back net when the cookie business is really more than your hands can handle! I keep my fingers crossed that you find another well paying job which does not cripple your hands and artistic spirit...

    1. I really hope I can find a job that doesn't wear me out physically! Something like a desk job, typing, that would be great. :)

  2. That's bogus they didn't tell you why you were fired.... And through email! I don't think there's anything wrong with asking why. You've had a rough summer. Maybe fall will be better

    1. Yeah my mom was pretty pissed that he fired me through email, but I figured it was because he wasn't in the office. My boss was also a university professor and rarely at the clinic. I asked him if he'd provide me with a reference and he said he'd be more than happy to, so it shows I left on good terms and wasn't fired for doing something wrong. We've lost clients consistently this summer and my groomer has had to shorten her work week by a day because she didn't have enough dogs coming in. At this point I'm pretty sure I was let go because they could no longer afford to keep me. I've been suspicious about this for months because my work hours kept getting shorter and every time I was in we were losing clients. I hope the fall promises much better opportunities, this summer really has been one of the shittiest ones lol.

  3. That is so awful, that they just fired you without warnings. But as you said in the comment, the firing was most likely only because of the economical situation. I do hope things will start to look up and you find a work that suits you and does not bring symptoms of depression and burn out! And that the medical costs will not be as high as you fear. Of course I do not know you that well but from reading your blog I believe you are a talented and strong person and I am confident that you will land on your feet, even if life has been this hard for so long. Let's hope it will be much better now that Autumn comes!

    1. Thank you :) I try to be strong but it's hard. Things are looking a little better so far, maybe all I need is for autumn to come!

  4. There is so much to comment on I will just jump right in:

    It's a tricky situation - a job that wears you thin but provides you with a good steady income. I understand you must feel the stress in every fiber of your being, and I'm sorry for that. And I'm sorry you lost the job that was more comforting to you :(

    I didn't know you also have nose-issues! My septum is thick and only allows me 75% air intake on one side and 25% on the other. But I am scared of the surgery...

    Happy Anniversary! I NEED to see that sea green lace dress.

    I have heard that Halloween at Michael's in Canada was a disappointment this year, but you seem to have made lots of yummy finds lately anyway! That dress is a pure fairytale dream.

    I hope things start looking up for you soon!

    1. Thank you! We had a lovely anniversary. :) I will definitely post pics of my lace dress and my shopping finds in the coming weeks. There were interesting items at Michael's, but poor quality and costs were right up there. I haven't found anything Halloween that I really love this year, but it's still early. I'm finding the things I do like are easily made at home - which you can read more about in one of my DIY posts.

      There's good news, I get to keep my cookie job, so I'll have money to pay off the ENT and hopefully be able to breath for a change. I had no idea you struggled with septum issues, too. It's hard to imagine having a normal nose, isn't it? I'm told after the surgery I might smell things I couldn't before, that's so crazy lol.

  5. Humm I was sure I already commented on this, maybe though ithere was that blogspot/wordpress thing going on again XD
    I am sorry for you having so much work related problems, should be enough with all the surgery trouble lately :-(
    But thank you for answering the questions, nice to read you were able to celebrate 7 years already!

    1. Thank you! It's okay for the late comment, look how late I've been at posting anything! I'll be writing my monthly update today. I can't believe September went so fast. >.<


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