Wednesday, 29 July 2015

July 2015


General Life Stuff

So I thought this month was ending on a high note, now I realize how wrong I was. I got a job, yes, finally a job. It's contract and probably only going until November. Aside from the horrors of working full time six days a week, and needing to take an hour to an hour and half commute to the shittiest area in our city, I'm really bad at this job. The position is a cookie decorator in a factory setting. I have no baking or decorating experience; either they felt I had potential or no one else showed up for the job. Regardless, I've had my first days and I've done terribly. My hands are crippled and twisted in pain from having to put pressure on the icing bags for eight hours. I can't seem to control where the icing goes. They have a very high production standard where "ok" isn't good enough, but I'm not able to even produce okay looking stuff. I feel embarrassed by my poor work and I'm depressed. I hate it there. I only took the job so we could have an extra income but I feel like a complete failure and that's not a feeling I'm comfortable with.

I'm the kind of person who likes to master her work, remember where everything is and how everything is done, but this is beyond my control. Even when I try my damnedest to do things right I get it wrong. The faces on the cookies don't all look alike, I can't draw a perfect circle in icing that likes to melt (on cookies that aren't perfect circles by the way)! I'm haunted by the impending firing that will be take place in what I assume is a week. If I can't pick up the pace or learn the techniques I'm a goner and that's an awful feeling. I'll have made an additional month's worth of what would have been my usual wages, but letting down my fiance and not keeping the job will be a hard hit for our relationship. I felt like I was taking the burden off of his shoulders and things seemed really good for a moment, but now it's sort of sad. I get home and I can barely keep awake for two of the four personal hours I have after work. In fact, most of my personal time now is sleeping. :/ I guess I'm not cut out for factory work, it's terribly difficult. I've never been fired before and the thought terrifies me. :(

Health and Wellness

As mentioned in the last section, I'm exhausted and depressed. I don't sleep as well and don't feel rested. I'm seeing my gyno this weekend to discuss pain in my abdomen. I'm afraid it might be adhesion (scar tissue) and she might have to scrape some of that stuff out of me. >.< My mom had it done after her hysterectomy and said it hurt like a bitch. Some women have to undergo surgery a second time. It hurts when I go pee, like my whole body is being sucked into the toilet or something.

Hobbies and Leisure 

Although I had a month of not being employed I'm not sure what the hell I had been doing all the while. I ordered up some craft supplies and finally got a crackle medium which is damn near impossible to find. I once found it on Etsy but the supplier stopped messaging me halfway through and I never heard back from her. I'm happy to finally have it, I can start painting my art doll's faces. I also got the fabric that I needed to make their clothing and bodies. I was really excited to get them finished and then I got hired. The positive side of possibly getting fired is that I'll have time to finish my art, but it also puts me off schedule. The Halloween dolls were supposed to be finished this week, so much for that I guess. I have a new Halloween felt craft that will be available soon too. I'm halfway through drawing up the tutorial, I'm excited to get it into my shop which still only has one pattern, blah! I also bought a bunch of envelopes so I can start selling off my vintage patterns. 

Blog Stuff

No sewing so far, making money prioritized my time. I had made some short shorts in the earlier part of the month, and I did a lot of reading while on my second vacation, but no real sewing has taken place. I was going to compete in the Inspired by Books contest on Pattern Review but depending on the job situation I may or may not have time (even if I do get let go and have more time again I'll probably be working on my art). I'd like to sew a dress and some skirts, finish that bustier thingy and get started on my Autumn dress, but time will only tell. If somehow I manage to do better at work I won't have any personal time for sewing. So I'll have to write fashion related posts on here and that will be it for awhile. :/

How are things with all of you?


15 comments:

  1. Do not throw the towel after a few days, it needs some time to get used to every work on the planet! I'm confident that you can (learn to) do it!

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    1. I'm trying really hard to learn it but I feel like it's one step forward and two steps back. I'm going to keep at it, even if I get fired I'm still going to get paid for the training. :)

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  2. I know it's hard to find a job these days, but being fired might be a blessing. I got fired when I was the worst dish-washer at a laboratory. The instruments had to be cleaned a very specific way and I was so slow and broke so many of them. You know it's a bad sign when you hate every second of it when you're not even done with the first week. One of my managers was telling me how she had to fire one of her friends because even though he had years of experience, his skill set and knowledge didn't apply at that particular company. It was better for everyone involved. He's much happier now. Just saying, if it doesn't work out, it has nothing to do with you

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    1. Thank you, that helps. :) Everyone around me is telling me it will get better, and I'm not denying the possibility that it could, it's just I try to be realistic. I'd rather prepare my fiance for the possibility that this position could be cut short and therefore result in less money. I don't want him to get too comfortable with the idea that I have this job (especially since it's contract anyways). We talked about it over dinner and I think he's on the same page now, he isn't telling me repeatedly that it'll get better with time. It hasn't, I have blisters on my fingers. Today they knocked me back to doing basic work and I put them behind on orders again. I've been given less responsibilities and my supervisor hardly checked on me at all (probably because she was so busy picking up the slack). I think some people are cut out for repetitive factory work and others aren't; I might be one of those people who isn't and I'm okay with that, but it's nice having a decent income for a change. That's why I'm not quitting, they'll *have* to fire me.

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  3. MindLess and 1666 X 30 said very wise things. I do hope that however it turns out, you will be a happier person! :)

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  4. I was/am in the exact situation where my job would just be supplementary, and my hubby has pressured me to continue a job I absolutely hated on a few occasions. I know you love your fiance, I love my husband! But they can't know what you're going through... it's tough, and it just eats slowly but surely at your soul. Even if you didn't get fired, your stress levels and amount of exhaustion will affect your relationship. It did mine, so when we talked and he really gave me the freedom to pick the job I felt ok at, things got a lot better all around.

    If you absolutely hate the job, leave it and find another. Keep searching till you find a job you don't hate after the first week. I know it looks bad on paper, but it's your happiness that ultimately matters. My best jobs were actually the most menial jobs because they required very little from me-- the fabric store in New Mexico, and a clothing store at the mall in Canada lol. More time for your art, more time for your spouse, and you still have a steady cash flow! Heh.

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    1. Actually, I thought this would be a menial job but I'm surprised at how difficult it is lol. I would prefer an easy job, like my bath/brush position on the weekend. Our economy is really shitty at the moment though, we're in a recession and our job market is at it's poorest. Many of my friends are struggling to procure employment, and for the most part we end up in part time positions that don't offer more than eight hours a week. It's rough, as much as I hate this job I need the money to pay for my medical expenses that aren't covered by OHIP and to save up for our bills should prices escalate any further. If we were better off financially, and jobs were plentiful, I'd quit today but because it's taken me a year and half just to find this position I'm going to stick it out. It will suck but it's only four months, I'm hoping they'll blow by very quickly. Especially because I miss my art and sewing. :)

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  5. Oh no, no, no - I'm so sorry for all the shittiness!

    Your work situation sounds horrible, life sucking and depressing. Almost to the point where them firing you would be a relief..? I really hope it either starts looking up for you, or you find something else.

    And I'm very sorry to hear about your physical pains :( I was hoping that all that was behind you by now, but I guess it's not always that simple. I know you have already had some very rough years with lots of pain, and I hope that they can find a way to help you quickly this time.

    I'm here for you if you need someone on the other side of the world to listen.
    Hugs

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    1. Thank you, dear! :) It's a long weekend in Canada and it's helped me feel a bit better overall. I still hate the job because I know I'm not good at it and it leaves me sore, but I'm ready to tackle another work week. I'm going to try to persevere. The money is worth it, it's the first full time job I've ever had and full time jobs are practically non-existent here. I just try to remember that I'm surviving. Thankfully my weekend work will have quite a few days off in the future (my groomer is moving) so I'll have breaks to lessen the stress.

      My pain apparently is normal, although there wasn't any mention of it before. They gynecologist feels it's a pelvic floor issue and that it will be resolved with the physio therapy. I had no idea how interconnected all the abdominal muscles are with the pelvic floor. I'm told it could be five months before I'm feeling all better >.< but at least it's not another year!

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  6. You should leave the job, even if they don't fire you because it makes you feel miserable. I understand that you need the extra income, but it doesn't worth it.

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    1. I know it doesn't sound worth it, but I'll be starting physio therapy immediately and it's not covered. :( If it wasn't so expensive I would totally quit this job lol, but my physical health does take priority over my feelings of self worth. Any other job that could be acquired easily would be equally shitty if not worse, so it's like being stuck between a rock in a hard place. At this point, it's better to try to endure it and pay off my physio so I can feel better sooner. Hopefully in my next update things will be more pleasant.

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    2. maybe you can keep the job and search for something better at the same time?

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    3. That's what I think too! I still check job postings occasionally to see if something else comes up. :)

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  7. first, this is for you: http://justkeepbrains.com/2015/08/07/sisterhood-of-the-world-blogger-award/

    and i really hope things will get better. maybe they will, every start is difficult, maybe your hands just need a bit of time until they know how to decorate those cookies! and if it turns out bad in the end i hope you will find something else very soon! <3

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    1. Thank you, dear! That is awesome, I will add it to my end of the month update. :) My hands have definitely improved but I've found it depends on the consistency of the icing we work with - when it's too stiff my hands are destroyed. I've talked to other girls who work on the line and they say their hands hurt all the time, so I guess it never gets better. All I know is that I *never* want to work a job like this for life, if I did I'd have severe arthritis before I turned 40, not something I want at all lol.

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