Thursday, 30 April 2015

April 2015

Life, Health and Wellness

Normally I start these posts with "general life stuff" but considering the brunt of my life stuff has been medical in nature, I figured I'd just jump right into my surgery. I had the hysterectomy on April 28th. It had been cancelled and rescheduled for May 26th but interestingly enough someone else cancelled on the original date and I was able to get into the first surgery slot. I felt like shit because people kept saying "I hope they don't cancel on you again, they better not" but that sort of thing was out of my control. I think I was cancelled a total of four times before, so I knew it was definitely a possibility that my surgery could be cancelled again. I kept holding on to the idea it would happen because my new surgery time was given to me a mere two weeks in advance. Given how difficult it is to see my gyno, I didn't think anybody could show up in two weeks to take my appointment! Still, it wasn't until I was in the operating room that I finally felt a sense of relief and that my surgery was going to happen for real this time.

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Bloated with a large bruise!
This is where they think my hematoma is.
The recovery period has been very different from what I expected. I've had two laparoscopies before, once for a D&C and another time to have my tubes tied. This hysterectomy was laparoscopic assisted, meaning they'd do half of the surgery through small abdominal incisions and the other half through an opening in my vagina. They took my uterus and the fallopian tubes but let me keep my ovaries (thank god). I woke up in a hospital bed, feeling absolutely disgusting. I felt really nauseated and like the room was spinning. A nurse helped me to the bathroom when needed and I almost passed out the first time. I was peeing blood, which was actually just blood from the surgery itself and not coming out of my bladder, but it was terrifying to see. They also cut my vagina up pretty bad with the clamp (I saw the cuts later and was really creeped out by it). I also vomited after my first pee and had difficulty keeping fluids and food down. I was surprised that hospital food isn't actually bland at all... I was served spicy chicken and rice, which although not great, was edible. I left the chicken, something about spicy chicken immediately after surgery was off putting. They released me six hours after my surgery and I was able to go home. 

I struggled with severe abdominal pains caused by the gas they used to inflate my stomach during surgery. This is the worst part of a hysterectomy, I felt like I was dying. The gas would put pressure on my incision sites as well as on my nerves. I could only sleep on my left side and breathing in too deeply would cause a sudden sharp pain. I cried out often and felt as though it would never end. By the second day home I started passing gas and felt a lot better but suddenly I was struck with a wave of nausea and dizziness, and my heart was racing. I texted my fiancé to come get me and take me to emergency. Although I came for my heart, I left emerge with a large blood clot in my surgical cavity. They ran a few tests on me and discovered a 10cm wide hematoma sitting in my abdomen. It was likely a collection of blood after the surgery. My hemoglobin had dropped from 120 something pre op to 89 post op. Apparently because I had blood loss my heart was pumping harder therefore producing palpations, giving me a ringing in my ears and heightening my anxiety. Sadly this will "pass in time" and there's nothing we can do for it - I was told that I was just shy of receiving blood transfusions. They kept me overnight at the hospital to monitor my blood levels and make sure the clot wasn't growing. I had great nurses attending me, they were all so friendly and fun. I was awoken in the middle of the night for blood work and I had three girls trying to find my veins (apparently I'm bad for taking IVs and getting blood work, I was pricked twice for an IV on my surgery date, three times for an IV on my visit to emergency, and four times to get a blood sample. I left badly bruised all over). I was given very heavy morphine and another painkiller more intense than morphine, and I hated it. I actually gave up taking pain killers entirely on my third day because they made me feel so physically ill. I realize that's ballsy but as a woman who has endured the most horrific menstrual pains, I figured what the fuck, what's a few weeks of pain going to do to me now?

They released me from the hospital on my third day post op because they felt my condition was stable. I was overjoyed to come back home. My fiancé brought me my cat and I burst into tears when he curled up beside me purring. The gas pains have gone down a bit but going the bathroom is very painful. I'm told this will improve in time. The worst part of my recovery right now is that my ovaries aren't producing estrogen, apparently they go through shock after surgery so they're kind of dormant right now. I'm experiencing menopausal symptoms of night sweats and severe body aches. Last night I felt as though my whole body had its nerves severed. I honestly thought my feet were cut open, I pulled my socks off to check and found nothing. During surgery they put you in stirrups and pull your legs all the way back, this strain can cause pains in the legs but it's also very likely that they've irritated my sciatic nerve. I have to sleep surrounded with hot water bottles.

I know that this will take time. I'm eager to get outside and enjoy the spring. My fiancé and I went for a small walk and it made me very happy although likely irritated my nerves a little. My fear is that I won't get better for work. My groomer doesn't expect me back until after the 16th but given all the problems I've been encountering I'm terrified I'll have to take off more time. I just want to feel normal again. :( On the more positive side of things, I'm not emotionally upset about the loss of my uterus, I've been told I'm very upbeat and I honestly feel as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.



Hobbies and Leisure

Early in April I got the chance to get out with a friend. This photo on the left is of the outfit I wore that day. It was lovely to get out and have some fun. Every one complimented me on my outfit and felt I was dressed very tastefully. I don't dress up too often but I'd like to do it more. We went thrift store shopping and I bought a cool vintage brooch, a sewing pattern and some pants I planning on refashioning. It was a blast and I miss my friend already! I look forward to her coming into town again sometime soon. I got all jazzed up one week later when my fiancé and I took a day trip to some neighboring cities. I went thrift store shopping and found some cool patterns, including an Addams Family sewing pattern from the 1990's - I love it! I plan on dressing up for Halloween with my fiancé as Morticia and Gomez this year... although that would mean he'd have to shave and I freaking love his beard.

I dyed my hair purple and blue before my surgery. I figured because I'd have time off it was an excellent opportunity to do so. I used a mixture of Manic Panic Shocking Blue and some pink stuff I had left over. I loved how it turned out. I was surprised that even my mom liked it, which is funny because when I told her I'd be dyeing my hair she freaked out and said no. Sadly it's already almost completely washed out only after like five washes. At least it's not turning snot green or gray, but that's because I didn't pre-bleach. Now it just looks purpley brown. As expected, it stained a few things. I slept on a black pillowcase and wore a shower cap when showering. I also had to use a blanket as a drop sheet to protect our couches from getting stained by me. People kept asking me "why is your face blue?!" and even during my hospital stay I freaked a few nurses out who thought my nails were turning blue because of a health problem lol. My fiancé and I celebrated our "monthiversary" the last Sunday in April. It was awesome, I ate such amazing Vietnamese food!!! We went for a little nature walk and I had a lovely time. :)

I'm hoping to get back into crafting and such now that the weather has picked up. I've asked my parents if I can visit their trailer in a few weeks too because I'm eager to go fishing lol. I'm going to be opening up another Etsy shop to sell off some patterns I have lying around. There are a lot of little projects on the go. I hope everything is successful. Ideally after I sell off the majority of my patterns I'd like to sell some folk art prim stuff, but we'll wait and see.

Blog Stuff

Things for the blog have not been left completely unattended. I finished a dress and I will be doing up a post for it and I'm really excited to get it done. I don't know how much sewing I'll be able to do given my condition but I have plans for making a goth knit baby doll dress. I also wanted to do another mood board post but I pushed that back. Also, since World Goth Day is coming up I'd really like to write something for that.  

I really appreciate all the support you guys have given me! Everyone stopping by has been so kind and it's helped me feel confident in my decision to go through with the surgery. Reading your comments has been like a little ray of sunshine for me, so thank you! :)


15 comments:

  1. Nice to hear you're up and about after your after-surgery scares. You are so brave. I hope you recover fully soon. (and the purple looks nice on you! But what is it about manic panic lasting like a few days!)

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    1. Thank you very much, I'm glad to be able to walk and move about. It's not always easy but at least I'm not completely bed ridden! And yes, manic panic is terrible for coming out quickly! I find it works better on pretreated hair, but even if I had bleached beforehand I feel like the blue would've washed out in a week or so. I hear people have terrible luck with the blues and greens, but I've done alright using pink before.

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  2. Who sounds like a harrowing experience. I am glad you pulled through. Here's to hopefully no more pains. *big hugs* and a speedy recovery! You deserve it. P.S. the hair is awesome :)

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    1. Thank you! I'm told it could be a good six weeks before I feel better, I hope I'm one of the lucky ones who gets better faster! :)

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  3. Argh this sounds so terrible, I hope you never have to go through anything as painful again. Sending good vibes your way.
    PS: love the purple hair!

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    1. Thank you! I'm supposed to have another unpleasant surgery (septoplasty) this year but I think I'll push it back into the fall or winter. After this ordeal I just want a few months to recover.

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  4. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that, I don't know how I would handle it!
    You look great as usual, that goth lolita coat is beautiful!

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    1. Thank you! :D I love that coat, I've been wearing it all the time!
      There are moments when I regret having this surgery but I'm sure in the long run I'll come to the conclusion that it was worth it. It's just the waiting to get better that's killing me right now lol.

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  5. good to hear you are feeling better slowly, and the idea of not having period issues anymore sounds just perfect and thank you for sharing your experience!
    oh and on a girly note: love the purple hair!!
    <3

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    1. Thank you! I'm happy to share this experience. I feel like sometimes we don't talk enough about female health. I've discovered many women suffer from endometriosis and menorrhagia. It's been comforting to know that I'm not alone, but I've since read many similar stories of women being cycled around on temporary solutions instead of getting the help they need. If I had it my way I would've had a hysterectomy at 22, it could have saved me from a world of pain. At least it's done now!

      And thanks so much, I miss my purple hair. It's more of a lavender brown right now, it's pretty and kind of weird looking but not as interesting purple lol.

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  6. Firstly, love the purple hair! I had used manic panic in my hair to brighten up my red and it got on EVERYTHING. It's fun, but it's a pain. I'm glad my bathwater doesn't turn red anymore now that I've gone with a brown/blonde ombre. Second of all, oh my that bruising! I am happy you got your surgery, but ouch! I wish you a speedy recovery, and for you to feel normal once more very soon!

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    1. Lol funny you mention bathwater, my bathtub is stained blue! My landlord is going to be so pissed lol. Sadly my hair is just brown now. I might try another temp dye in the future, it's fun doing funky colours. :)
      And thank you! My recovery has been painful and slow, but I'm hopeful that things will pick up soon.

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  7. Glad to hear you are recovering. Hopefully the pain passes soon and you can get back to normal. Love the purple hair!

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  8. Oh, shit...that sounds terrible. But seriously, you went through so much pain and struggle, but you still think like 'hey, I'm off work, why not dye my hair purple?!' You're amazing. ^^ And I hope you'll get better soon! :)

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