Saturday, 29 November 2014

Failed surgeries, accidents and Christmas trees


What the hell happened?!

You may be wondering how things have been going since my surgery. Well, not great. The surgery never took place. I was admitted to the hospital and prepped for surgery, given an IV (twice!) and had blood samples taken. I laid in bed waiting for four hours, two of those hours were eating into my allotted surgery time. I saw at least five other patients being carted out of the room for their operations before me. Every time somebody walked through the door my heart skipped a beat and I thought, "this is it, it's finally going to be me." But it never was. I couldn't help but feel that something was wrong. Next thing I know, the IV nurse is at my beside telling me that my doctor is on the phone...

When I first entered admitting, I was told my doctor had been early, then later on I was told she was running late; sounds conflicting, doesn't it? I finally got the full story from her receptionist (it wasn't actually my doctor calling, that was a mistake). She said the previous patient was injured during surgery and as a result, all of my doctor's other appointments were going to be cancelled (all two or three of us, there aren't many surgeries that take place in a single day). I felt a hot flush come over me. The nurses could see the disappointment in my face. They were such lovely women, very supportive, but at the same time I could feel their urgency to clean the bed and get me out of there. It had happened so fast that I didn't even know what to think. I didn't have time to react. All I could say to the receptionist was, "okay, that's fine." But it wasn't. I broke down in tears on the way home. It sounds selfish. I mean, this other patient is injured, to some unknown extent, which might not be much given that minor injuries are common with this procedure. But I still had my uterus. I wouldn't be the one in the recovery room, healing and on her way to a uterus-free life. No, I was in the car with a uterus hell-bent on destroying me with pain. It was the closest I've ever come to a solution and to not make it there was devastating. It was like having spent my entire life in poverty and suddenly winning the lottery, only to have the ticket snatched from my hands as I'm about to cash it in.

As my mother has said, it will happen one day, but I just feel completely disillusioned by the whole experience. It makes me think that this very thing could happen again, a second, third or fourth time. At first I thought maybe I'd get in on a cancellation, right away, but that just goes to show how naive I am. I know that other countries have policies in place for cancelled surgeries, but here you just get dumped back onto the waiting list. You're told that you will have priority over other patients but those are just words after all. There's no way to know whether or not that's the truth and as it stands right now I'm back to where I was in the first place. It could be another three months before I'm in the operating room again. I booked time off of work for this... and asking me to live another day with my uterus is bad enough, but months? Jesus.

So needless to say, my confidence in doctors is shaken. Especially this doctor, who although is a nice person, isn't around much. Like all doctors I know, they like to go on vacation or they're seldom available. Hell, my family doctor takes off early all the time and rarely let's the secretary know, that's why I get double booked or booked when my doctor isn't even there! Our health care system is a fucking joke. My nerves are rattled and I'm totally depressed. I just hope that maybe one day soon I might actually get my surgery after all and not end up like the hundreds of other patients who have their surgeries cancelled repeatedly.

To top things off, I bailed in our stairwell yesterday and I now have an incredibly painful hematoma on my left forearm. It hurt so bad that I was convinced I may have broken or fractured a bone (which was all the more depressing to think about). I can't flex much, but it's gotten a bit better. I just can't have anything touching that area. Funny, in a stupid kind of way, because I'm also badly bruised where my IVs and blood tests were administered. I just look like I had the crap kicked out of me, which is exactly how I feel.

So, with that out of the way, I'm pushing forward with my crafts, sewing projects and posts for this blog. I've been decorating my home for Christmas, too. As you can see I've included a picture of my tree at the top of this post (although the ornaments have since been re-arranged). My theme this year is nature. I used silver, chocolate, pearl and plum coloured ornaments to decorate my tree, as well as acorns, pine cones, songbirds and owls. I really love my Christmas decor. I'll have to share more photos of my decorations later on. Have you started decorating for the holidays??

I wanted to say thank you again, for all the wonderful support you guys have shown me in this difficult time. It really helped give me strength to endure this procedure, even if I didn't end up having the surgery that day. It really means a lot to know that there's a strong and supportive network of women in our blogging community. :)

Kind regards




12 comments:

  1. Oh sweetie, what a disappointment! I've had a similar experience (not a hysterectomy though), where my surgery was delayed in the morning, and then delayed some more, and then they told me to put my clothes on a go for a walk... They called me back in the afternoon and I finally got in, but they had apparently had two emergency c-sections that had to get priority.
    I really hope you get a new appointment soon! And I'm so sorry about your arm, what a bad turn :(

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    1. Thanks for the kind words!! That sounds very similar to my experience and equally as frustrating lol. At least you got in for your surgery eventually, so that's good. I remember when I was going to see my second last gynecologist, I had been on a year long wait list just to see her and when I finally came in (taking time off of school) they cancelled right then and there. They said "Oh, didn't we call you? She's delivering a baby." I was so pissed, especially because it was all the way across the city in the early morning, I'm just lucky I had a ride. I get it, they're gynos so they deliver babies, I just wish they had two different doctors for it. One doctor for family planning stuff and another to deal with all the non maternal crap, like hysterectomies. That would be so much easier! It's not been a completely terrible week though, I saw an owl today, I've never seen one in person!!!

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    2. Oh, you've been through stuff like this before too - shitty shit. My psychiatrist actually forgot me twice in two months - right after she put me on new meds...
      Can you please email me your address, I want to send you a card :)

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    3. That's pretty bad that your psych forgot you! They're supposed to keep track of those things. One of my doctors did the same thing and insisted it was my fault for not booking...even though they said they would book for me, yeesh! Doctors, like wtf is their problem? And check your inbox, I've emailed you! :)

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  2. Oh boy! I am so sorry to hear that. I like to think that in Canada, we have a great medical system, being free and all but when I hear stories like yours, I start to question just how great of a medical system we do have in place. Your tree is very lovely and I hope things go better for you

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    1. Thank you! There are aspects of our health care system that are good but there's a lot that's messed up, too. For example, there are certain surgeries that they won't preform more than a couple of times a year because there's not enough funding. Can you imagine having a surgery that you desperately needed but couldn't get because they've reached their limit for the year? I'm only glad I'm not in that kind of situation, but it's not much better when you consider I've lost time and money over it. I'd be happy to be referred to another doctor who could do it sooner, but sadly it doesn't work like that. : ( I'm stuck waiting for now.

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  3. I'm so sorry to hear you got so near to your goal, only to have everything delayed. I think you're doing the right thing by just getting on with life and projects in the meantime. I'm sure everything will work out in the end and I'm crossing my fingers that it will be sooner rather than later for you! ❤

    Your tree looks very pretty! :)

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    1. Thank you for your supportive words! :) I'm glad I was able to pick myself up and get back to work, it's really helped to distract me, especially when my uterus starts to act up lol.

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  4. I'm so sorry to hear this, Ms Ladyfair. I haven't been online very much lately, but when I logged on tonight, I came straight here to see how you were doing after your surgery. I'm so disappointed for you, but I've got my fingers crossed that you'll be able to have this surgery really soon.

    I love the theme and decorations you've chosen for your tree, gorgeous :)

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    1. Thank you for checking on me!! That's very kind. :) Things have been going better since my cancellation, so I guess in a way it worked out for the best. Perhaps I'll be more capable of handling the stress of the surgery in Februrary than December. I never gave much consideration to the timing of my surgery, but around the holidays isn't a very good choice now that I think of it lol.

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  5. Oh dear. Yes I know that our healthcare system is a nightmare. My grandfather has been in the hospital for two weeks waiting to get a pacemaker put in, a ten minute procedure! I hope you get in soon. It is so upsetting to think that they can just cancel a scheduled surgery like that.

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    1. Aw, poor guy! That's exactly what I'm talking about. I hear bits and pieces in the news about lack of beds, overbooked operating rooms and mismanaged funds, but sometimes you don't really think about it until it's happening to you. I understand that, because it was an injury, my doctor had to spend time on the patient to correct it and fill out legal paperwork, but I only wish I could've been passed on to the next available doctor. Like any open operating spot with a different gynecologist. At least it won't be another year to get in, like it is for some patients.... at least I hope it isn't. >.<

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