Tuesday, 23 September 2014

Falling for Autumn: An Update



What's been going on with me

Greetings friends! As you probably have noticed, I finally completed my first sewing project review for this blog. I promise there will be many projects to come. Today is the Autumn Equinox / Mabon! And I can't think of a better time to start a new chapter in my life. I have finally found employment. Although it's currently only weekend work, I'm hoping that this new position will help pave the way for more employment opportunities. I really like my job, I'm an assistant dog groomer. :) It sounds silly but it's a lot of fun. It's also physically demanding! I was so exhausted when I finished on Saturday that I fell asleep at 9 PM and didn't wake up until 7:30 the next morning. 

This job is not enough to help pay the bills. I'm currently seeking employment for during the week but haven't found much so far. I'm still plugging away at starting up my Etsy shop but it's been difficult. I might not be selling a whole lot of artwork. I experienced too many problems when creating my prototypes, so the majority of my products will probably be downloadable craft patterns. I will announce my store opening on this blog although I have no idea when I'll be ready to launch my shop.

This last weekend was a whole lot of fun! I got to hang out with my friend Liz, who I haven't seen in almost a year. We went to an all you can eat sushi bar and stuffed ourselves with amazing food. I was so full I felt as though I was going to explode! We then went for a nature hike and took photographs of my new dress. It was gorgeous outside! The weather was warm, even if the sky was a little overcast. The trees were glowing with vibrant shades of red and yellow. I've included pictures of our outing in this post!




I absolutely adore fall. It's such a wardrobe friendly season! It's warm enough in the day for dresses and cool enough in the evenings for sweaters. How many other times in a year can you utilize your entire wardrobe? Not often! Especially if you live in Canada where both fall and spring are gone in the blink of an eye. I've already been putting out more of my fall decor. My sewing room is still being built up with Halloween folk art. I plan on having the whole house decorated for the season! In October I'll have my first Thanksgiving with my fiance, which I think will be lovely. It'll be difficult because he's on a paleo diet, he's also a fussy eater. I on the other hand am mostly on a gluten-free diet. I'm planning on eating duck with stuffing, mashed potatoes, steamed veggies and turnip. I'll also be baking a paleo friendly pumpkin pie - I'll be experimenting with this recipe this week, I hope it'll turn out. Most paleo recipes are ghastly but we sometimes find a few recipes that my fiance and I can tweak to perfection. Gosh, I haven't eaten mashed potatoes in probably ten months. I miss them so much. >.<




I'm really happy to have finished sewing my dress. I'm mostly pleased with the final garment but I admit I'm the most critical person when it comes to my own work. Even my artwork. Preparing for the opening of my Etsy shop has been hell. Life is still pretty shitty for me. The pressure to find more employment is very intense, I think I'm suffering from depression. Every day I'm overcome with anxiety. My obsessive compulsive disorder has been at it's worst. I've been trying to keep myself occupied but it's all been to no avail. I can feel the tension in my neck and shoulders. Sometimes I just want to break down and cry, other times I want to run away. I'm just sick to my stomach. If I could do things over again, I would have stayed home with my parents longer - even at the risk of harming my relationship. I just feel we rushed into moving out and weren't financially prepared for it. Unfortunately what's done is done, now all I can do is shoulder the responsibility and feel like beating myself over the head repeatedly. All of this stress is compounded by the fact that my student loan will be going into repayment at the end of October, right before I'm scheduled to go in for a surgery that will put me on my ass for almost a month. Fun stuff, huh?

In a perfect world I'd get another job as an assistant groomer, so I would be doing what I enjoy during the week as well. I'd be making enough money to alleviate the burden on my fiance. I'd hopefully be allowed to defer my loan payments for longer, because it's not like I make enough money to even support myself. I'd also never feel guilty for taking time to do things for myself. I feel horrible when I sew because I realize I'm not out working and making money. Whenever my fiance asks what I've been up to, I almost don't want to say I was sewing this afternoon. Yet, it's one of the only things I can do to help cope with my OCD. It's a good distraction. 

All I can do for now is try to focus on the positive things. I wish I could start work on this dress I've been planning to make for months. I know it will be very pretty when it's finished, so I'm excited about making it. I've been drawing pictures of it about a hundred times! I'm eager to get started. Another good thing is that I am very pleased with the results of my gardening this year. I've never been a successful green thumb, but this year my plants bloomed wonderfully. My climbing Joseph's Coat rose is on it's final bloom. It's a beautiful rose that turns from yellow to hot pink and then to a dark red/orange colour. My dahlias were also very successful this summer; there were so many blooms the planter was overflowing! I'll have to transfer it to a larger planter in the future. Right now it's slowing down and will be dormant before too long. I'm going to buy some mums too, they're one of my favorite flowers for fall!





I send my best wishes to all of you! I hope that you have many glorious things to look forward to this autumn. :)

Kind regards,


10 comments:

  1. I love your dress and bag! i can't wait for the leaves to start changing color here

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    1. Thank you! The leaves have just started to change. I'm looking forward to go on vacation up north - the foliage there is wonderful!

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  2. Congratulations, your job as a dog groomer sounds fun! ^^ Getting a job - even if it's only weekend work and it doesn't pay much - can help in so many different levels; just imagine, it builds self - confidence and a confident girl can get whatever she wants way easier...I'm sure you'll find another job soon! ;)

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    1. Thank you for those supportive words! I was really excited to get this job, but the excitement was short lived when my fiance revealed his contract was coming up for renewal. Now he's worried he may not have a job in the coming weeks, so I'm really feeling the pressure. I hope he and I can both secure employment, I would feel much better with more work. Fingers crossed I'll find something great! :)

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  3. I'm sorry you have been struggling, it is such a province-wide epidemic with the lack of jobs and lack of opportunities for young people. My boyfriend and I are 22 and 23 and have been together 2.5 years. We are in our final year of university and both still live with our parents. We are not planning on leaving home in for another 1.5-2 years because it is not economically feasible right now for us. I have friends who moved into apartments and now can't get jobs and are trying to build a future, save for a house, and pay the bills on minimum wage. I have friends whose engagements are breaking up because they realized they were not ready. I have friends who are picking up and moving to Alberta to get jobs! It is such a rough time for us young people, so I understand soooo much what you are going through!

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    1. It's nice to know I'm not alone! You have a good plan, stay with your folks and save up as much as you can. Rent in ridiculous anymore and minimum wage doesn't even begin to cover the cost of living. It barely covers my medication! The saddest part is that even if I did want to pick up and move to another city or another province for work it wouldn't be possible; I'm locked into a lease with landlords from hell and it would cost a lot of money - that I don't have - to move anywhere! I laugh when friends or family tell me to move to Toronto or out west, or to go back to school. I always follow it up with, "are you going to pay for it?"

      I have this bad feeling that the economy is going to get way worse before it gets any better. : /

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  4. I am so sorry you are going through so much! I just read about your fiance's job coming up for renewal. I am sending you both many blessings! Try to keep positive! I understand about getting depressed! This year has been one of them for me! First time, I have went through something like this!
    Congrats on your job!
    I love your outfit!
    Big Hugs ;o)

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    1. Thanks for your supportive words! I'm sorry you're having a rough year too, it seems a lot of us are having an emotional time. It's comforting to know that there are so many bloggers who have similar experiences. :) I hope things improve for you! I just applied for a full time job that I really want, fingers crossed!!

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  5. Thank you for the kind words you left on my blog. I'm sorry to hear about your OCD and anxiety. I totally understand your symptoms getting more severe when you guys are living under such pressure. Have you never found any meds that work for you?

    It's funny you writing about autumn and spring passing by in a flash, those are basically the only seasons we have where I live...

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    1. Hi Ms. Misantropia!

      I hope you're feeling much better now. I'm not a fan of med cocktails, so I was really reluctant to try any kind of medication. Mostly I just used the psychologist at school for support but since graduating I haven't really had that option. My one doctor tried me on an anti-depressant but I had an adverse reaction to it. Beyond how ill it made me, it also didn't help my OCD very much. I just felt really slow, like I had been drinking only without the buzz. I still experienced sorrow and anxiety, just at a different level, and my OCD thoughts seemed even worse. I felt like I had no control when I was on medication, which only heightens my anxiety further. From what I understand most OCD medications have that effect, they just numb you a little but none of them treat the illness. I've been self treating for a long time, basically I do exposure therapy for myself where I expose myself to an OCD trigger. For example, if I find I have more instances in public then I'll make myself take the bus until I get accustom to strangers. Likewise, if I'm afraid of a hair brush I would test my exposure to it a little each day until I'm over that fear. It's been successful so far, but I still have my bad days. I know I'll never be cured but hopefully I'll find a way to manage it.

      I would love to live in a place of perpetual autumn. That's my favorite season, but I would miss summer. Winter on the other hand...

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